......and just so you know, this short time together and long time apart you want me to give so much 'credit' to. Just remember, because you always forget, we went through it all together. Now, how did I manage? I wonder??? SO stop fucking using it as an excuse!
Saturday, 12 February 2011
Wednesday, 9 February 2011
Pain
So much affection, so much is not done. No, no where in the world, not in my opinion. Especially since after such a long time of trying to understand the culture I realise it's pretty much the same as anywhere else. No, no one does. Why do you? Where does it come from? Do you know? Do you know how much it hurts me? Ever tried to put yourself in my shoes? But that's not the issue, not the problem, that's not the core of it. Going back to the basics, do YOU understand where it all comes from? All this affection? I think you ought to ask yourself. Do you think it's right? For the sake of humanity ask yourself sort it out and let me know some how. Oh! Wait, you'll never read this now will you. Wonderful! In fact fuck everyone else, I don't see anyone else getting this sort of affection from you. None of your oldest and closest pals. Why? I see no one else giving that sort of affection out either. Plus, I shirk to think that this is just what I see, in the public domain, what about what I don't see? Thinking of that hurts more.
I want to understand, more than not knowing why you do and more than realising that it's just you who does and deems it correct while I after my 'study' so to say, of the culture still feel it's socially incorrect there and utterly unfair to me, more than all this 'unimportant' stuff (since I'm the last person who's feelings you seem to consider), I just want to know and understand where it comes from. After all you say and all you've said and all you fucking described this seems so out of place, it just negates everything you say you feel. It puts it all back to zero. Gosh, this is just what I see. It tempts me to get back in touch with worthless people in my past just so I can express myself the same way and tell myself it's okay to do so, just because she does. It won't give me any pleasure, it'll just make me feel worse. That's not who I am or want to be. How do I release this? How do I say it's not correct without cutting off your wings because you don't deem it to be incorrect? Why do you do it after all the bullshit you give me about how you feel and what you think? I don't understand, I just sit quietly and weep. I don't know how much more of all this I can take. And this is just what I see, this is just what I see, wonder what's on that I don't.
Never been here, don't want to be here. Don't wish it on anyone. Why is there so much pain?
I want to understand, more than not knowing why you do and more than realising that it's just you who does and deems it correct while I after my 'study' so to say, of the culture still feel it's socially incorrect there and utterly unfair to me, more than all this 'unimportant' stuff (since I'm the last person who's feelings you seem to consider), I just want to know and understand where it comes from. After all you say and all you've said and all you fucking described this seems so out of place, it just negates everything you say you feel. It puts it all back to zero. Gosh, this is just what I see. It tempts me to get back in touch with worthless people in my past just so I can express myself the same way and tell myself it's okay to do so, just because she does. It won't give me any pleasure, it'll just make me feel worse. That's not who I am or want to be. How do I release this? How do I say it's not correct without cutting off your wings because you don't deem it to be incorrect? Why do you do it after all the bullshit you give me about how you feel and what you think? I don't understand, I just sit quietly and weep. I don't know how much more of all this I can take. And this is just what I see, this is just what I see, wonder what's on that I don't.
Never been here, don't want to be here. Don't wish it on anyone. Why is there so much pain?
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