Standing in the Rain Just Wishing I Could Hold You

I’m all weird again. I’m a different person from who I was when I last blogged (which was a very long time back). I was a different person in between and now I don’t know who I am. Anyway, here I go again letting it all out.

I’m in a very strange place. I know how the world works and I know how human beings work. I can have anyone I want if only I try. I have reached a stage in my life where I am so self assured that I don’t need anyone or anything. I am finally strong and I am finally who I want to be. But when it comes to her, I don’t really know what I must do. Do I remain who I was when I first met her? The person who she was attracted to? The person who knew the right things to say and the right things to do? Or should I show her the rawness of my soul, my weaknesses and my shortcomings, hoping that she will still love me and not just leave? A very very practical and persuasive part of me wants to play the games humans play, the game I’ve gotten so good at to keep the attraction high. But there’s still that innocent part of me who wants to let her know that I need her so very much. That in a relationship we will need each other. This might not be the most attractive trait in a man. She might mistakenly think I'm weak and needy, but I must show her the rawness of my soul, show her who I am and make her realise that this is the worst that it’ll get. Because if I let myself go and fall any deeper I need to show her every facet of me, with total openness and the truth with no emotion in check with no feelings unsaid, with no insecurities unshared. If she is mature enough and if she loves me enough then she will see me for who I am. And if she is the woman who I hope to God she is, then this will last for ever.

Or is this a big mistake? Should I listen to the voice of experience and practicality? Or should I give in to the hopeless romantic in me who still believes the world is a beautiful place where people love each other and no one hides the truth. I ask you this, because I need to know. The last post was for you too.