A Ray of Light

I’m tired and weary. I’ve been silent for years and secretly scared. I am tired of being hurt over and over again. I’m just tired. And it’s not like I’ve not learnt from my mistakes. I have and I’ve grown and evolved. But I still can’t protect myself. I don’t think I will ever be able to.

There are just these simple things one wants in life. Just a few, but these few are the most elusive. Just a few constants in my life would make me happy and keep me that way till the end of my days. But every time I’ve gained even the smallest amount of confidence in the fact that ‘Yes, now I’m stable, now I’m happy, now I’m content, this is all I need and want’ everything has just come crumbling down.

One must always have a ‘Plan B’ a good friend of mine said to me. But there are some things in life for which you can’t have a Plan B. You just can’t. Of course my friend does have a Plan B, she’s always had one, for each and every situation in life and each and every plan, whether long term or short. But I know how messed up she actually is. Everyone’s messed up in this world, in some way or the other, it’s only human. But I know I’m more messed up than she is. She plays it safe, her ideas on life are different from mine. I usually always have a Plan B, but some times you just can’t have one. Some times life demands that you put all your eggs in one basket and try your best to make things work. Hope like hell that things that are humanly out of your control don’t ruin everything. It’s at these times that I feel so helpless. When I give something everything I’ve got and life just comes around and takes everything away.

In the blink of an eye I have lost everything that I ever wanted. I’ve lost everything that I ever needed. It’s happened so many times now that I don’t want to do this any longer. I don’t want to go through the entire process again. But there’s no other way to achieve what I want. In my book of rules there’s no other way of going about it.

So here I am again, uncertain of life, my life and what will happen. Again, I’m putting all my eggs in one basket. I don’t care. I dare life to hurt me again. Because more than anything else in my life right now, I want this to work.

I want you!