Why is there this conflict within me? Why can’t I just live a simple life? Why can’t I have feelings that are basic and not complicated? I’ve tried so hard to keep my feelings in check. To live a simple life so I won’t get hurt, not again, not for a long time to come.
But these tears just keep coming. They don’t stop. I’m sad because I’m restrained. I’ve made rules for myself that’ll keep me safe from getting hurt again, but these rules frustrate me. I feel so much, but I’ve decided not to express it, so I don’t get hurt, so I don’t lose what I have. I’m suffocating myself in the process. My heart feels heavy. Is this melancholy feeling any less than the hurt I might suffer if I let go and let it all flow out? I don’t know. I want to find out. But I won’t for it involves another soul. I’d rather suffer this way, let my tears flow and carry this heavy heart around than be the cause of another’s depression. I can’t take that.
I am cold, I don’t let anyone in too easily, but the ones I let into my world are given an all access key card. I’m either detached or totally attached. Either numb or extremely sensitive. There’s no in between.
I’m scared right now. I’m raw and exposed. You can kill me by taking a step back, yet you can rejuvenate me by just holding my hand. Circumstances are against me as usual. I’ve never had it easy in life. Hell! it’s always been an uphill climb for me, a struggle to achieve just a bit of happiness. That’s why I treasure all my happy moments. But can you take my hand and walk with me? Can you face the beating life will give us? The circumstances that'll be against us? Are you used to swimming upstream? Will you stand with me? Will you hold my hand when when the heavens rain fire? Will you look into my eyes and say you trust me? Will you love me as I shall love you?
Only you have the answers.
But these tears just keep coming. They don’t stop. I’m sad because I’m restrained. I’ve made rules for myself that’ll keep me safe from getting hurt again, but these rules frustrate me. I feel so much, but I’ve decided not to express it, so I don’t get hurt, so I don’t lose what I have. I’m suffocating myself in the process. My heart feels heavy. Is this melancholy feeling any less than the hurt I might suffer if I let go and let it all flow out? I don’t know. I want to find out. But I won’t for it involves another soul. I’d rather suffer this way, let my tears flow and carry this heavy heart around than be the cause of another’s depression. I can’t take that.
I am cold, I don’t let anyone in too easily, but the ones I let into my world are given an all access key card. I’m either detached or totally attached. Either numb or extremely sensitive. There’s no in between.
I’m scared right now. I’m raw and exposed. You can kill me by taking a step back, yet you can rejuvenate me by just holding my hand. Circumstances are against me as usual. I’ve never had it easy in life. Hell! it’s always been an uphill climb for me, a struggle to achieve just a bit of happiness. That’s why I treasure all my happy moments. But can you take my hand and walk with me? Can you face the beating life will give us? The circumstances that'll be against us? Are you used to swimming upstream? Will you stand with me? Will you hold my hand when when the heavens rain fire? Will you look into my eyes and say you trust me? Will you love me as I shall love you?
Only you have the answers.
3 comments:
no one has the right to judge you.
and no.
only YOU have the answers.
remember.
its only you.
I would should you could......if only..
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